Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I must say I had an excellent week, besides the part where my wisdom teeth were unceremoniously wrenched from my jaw.
The island was great.
My friends are cool.
All my clothes smell like that cabin.

So we got back from the island and decided to go to the new Krispy Kremes in Delta. I figured there would be lineups, but when we got there I could not believe how busy it was. There was an hour wait just to get in the store. It was insane. I was like, "What is this, Disneyland?" People were lining up to buy donuts! Granted, they're good donuts, but man! So busy.
I think if it was like, 1999, and I was there with my youth group, we would have talked about how cool it would be if people lined up like that for church. Mostly because that was the trendy thing to talk about at the time. But really, the whole experience kind of made me think. I mean, if we weren't risking missing curfew and the flogging that goes with it, I probably would have waited for an hour to buy donuts. But how often am I willing to wait even a few minutes in prayer? Or, how often am I willing to wait at a mealtime and serve others first? It's an interesting concept, waiting. I think alot of people would say that the things we're willing to wait for are the things that are most important to us. But I think that most times people are willing to wait for the things that they can see, the things that are definite, like donuts. It's much easier to spend an hour waiting for donuts than to spend an hour listening for a God you can't really see or touch. But sometimes the things that are more difficult are definitely more rewarding.
Just a random thought . . .

I am happy to leave campus for a week.
I hate the feeling of missing people I see everyday.
That's when I know it's time to go.

I used to think that I was pretty good at communicating verbally. When I was with people, I knew what to say. I can be really diplomatic. It's weird though . . . now I'm mostly just really awkard alot. I'm not sure if I'm shy or just pretending to be shy. It's like instead of being diplomatic, I try to be a little obnoxious and egotistical. I really have no idea why. That's not really my style at all. I used to tear myself apart looking for pride in my life. It's kind of a habit. Anyways, this whole shyness thing, I don't know where it comes from. I used to be shy when I was little. But in high school I kind of got over it, at least on the surface. I used to force myself to meet people at church. But that was easy. It's not like I had to go super deep with them at all. I just had to smile and like Jesus.

I guess I feel like I have alot to offer, and I don't necessarily want to throw it all out there the first time I meet people. One of my biggest pet peeves, besides the phrase "pet peeve," is when I meet someone for the first or second time, and they kind of act like they have known me all my life. You know, the inside jokes that don't really exist, or like, "You're totally [random character trait], aren't you?" Stuff like that. Some people can pull it off once in a while, but usually it's just really annoying. Anyways, it bothers me because I feel like that particular person feels comfortable in summing up my entire character and personality in a simple statement. Plus I have a certain sense of privacy and personal space.

So I really don't know where I'm at. I really have no desire to meet new people, yet I need to. I'm going to have to once I get out of school. I just don't want to pretend to be shy because I think it's charming, or because it "works" for someone else. But I have depth. That's part of the reason I started blogging, just so I could find somewhere to put all the stuff that swirls around in my brain. Anyways, this seems to be a really transitional time for me. And if there's one thing I hate, it's change.


P.S. So this is for the girl, I'm pretty sure you still know who you are. I don't think I ever officially apologized for the now archived girl blog section. I think I kind of half apologized with alot of excuses. So, I really wanted to say that I didn't mean to hurt you, but I'm pretty sure I did. I was wrong, and I am truly sorry.
So, yeah, have a good week.

*sigh*

I have little to no patience. Especially when I'm not quite sure what it is, if anything, that I'm waiting for.

Thus the written sigh.

I think about once a day we should all be reminded how easy it is to forget how valuable people are and how easily we try to use them to our own end. It's really scary. I have the potential to be wickedly manipulative. And I know how easily I can be manipulated. I think that's one of the most insidious diseases humanity suffers from. And the church is not immune. I think that's one of the main reason Jesus spent thirty three years on earth. To teach us that people are valuable. Not as commodities to serve our selfish purposes but as rational, thinking, feeling beings. With intrinsic value.
I forget that too easily sometimes.

Sometimes I like to post two blogs at the same time.

So I've been thinking about the way we (the church) think about God. Whoa, weird sentence. I just notice that all through our worship services and ministry times we're always asking God to come to us. I guess it makes sense to a degree, but maybe we take it too far. What I mean is this: I think we have an impoverished view of what it means to have God in us. We approach Him as if we are poor orphans, we have nothing but rags, and we're asking for some kind of scrap from his table. We forget the concept of God in us. When we pray about the Holy Spirit, we always talk about him "flowing down" or "washing over." One of my favourite verses in the entire bible is the one where Jesus promises that those who believe in him would have "streams of living water" flowing out of them. Out of them. Maybe one of the more important elements of Christianity is not begging for God to come because I'm empty, but removing the blocks in my life so God can flow out from within me. Maybe that's what grace is about. Not about begging for mercy that's already given, but actually letting it impact me. Actually letting God change me from the inside.
I'm all about asking for more of God.
Sometimes maybe he's inside waiting to get out.

I went to church today.
This was the first time in about three weeks.
I didn't go to my home church though; I went to a different one with some people. I think I might have decided to go there because I thought there would be girls. Maybe, or maybe I just wanted a change.

The guy preached about Revelation. It was strange. He made some good points, like how we always want Revelation to tell what's going to happen in the future, because then we can be in control. But he never really got into anything specific. He just ended up talking about how God can bless us when we read Revelation, and how the church was staggering on the edge of extinction before it was written, but then they read it and decided to become martyrs. I don't know if that is entirely true.
Anyways
The thing that really got me was the end of the service. He quoted the end of Revelation, "Come Lord Jesus!" He used this as an altar call essentially, calling us to stand, close our eyes, and ask Jesus to come. But personally, not in the cosmic rapture sense. Sometimes I get feelings about things. This was one of those times. But the thing is, God moved, and people were being touched and stuff. But I still had this feeling. Having these feelings is difficult for me. I think it's a gift, and the thing is, I'm rarely wrong. But I always wonder. What if I'm just judging? What if I'm just too proud to let God move in my life? I don't know. I think ultimately I should listen to my heart. It's just hard because I grew up being taught to follow along with whatever was happening. Let the pastors worry about whether it's right or not. I don't think that's really biblical, but it seems to be the popular mentality. I'm rambling. I just find myself fighting a gift that I don't know how to use. What was I supposed to do? I don't know. I don't know if I was even right. But I think the guy was strange. I think he enjoyed hearing himself talk. But I think God still used him. Weird. Why does God do that?
God is strange sometimes.
I think He likes it that way.

Ever have one of those days when getting out of bed seems like way more work than it's worth?
I hate that.

So here's my newest plan.
I want to be on the next season of Average Joe (I'm not obsessed with this show or anything . . . I swear!).
I think I'd be one of the average guys, but it would be close.
I'd be like the guy who played it cool, and didn't kiss the girl on our first date. Or second, or third.
On one of our dates, she would obviously have to find out that I'm a virgin.
I think I'd like that conversation to go a little something like this:

girl: You're a virign?? Oh my GOD! How do you cope?
Me: Umm . . . It's not that hard really. It's not like I'm a virgin by accident. I'm way too charming for that.
girl: (giggles)
Me: See, when I first talked to the producers about being on this show, and they found out I was a virgin, they wanted to scrap this show right there on the spot.
girl: Really?
Me: Oh yeah. They wanted to start this new reality show based on me. It was going to be called "The Virgin." The whole premise is basically me, living with these 20 beautiful women who are trying to get me to sleep with them.
girl: (giggles) Whatever!
Me: Oh no, it's true! But I decided that I didn't want to steal the spotlight. After all, I could get famous anytime. I wanted to give you a chance.

Thus I would accomplish two things:
1. Alienating the beatiful (and most likely shallow) female contestant of the show.
2. Becoming the funniest person in the history of reality telivision. I would redefine the genre.

Now to live my dream . . .

About almost dying . . .
Our van rolled just north of Hundred Mile.
It was scary
I don't usually just throw the word "miracle" around alot, but it was a miracle that we were all okay.
God is good.

I think I miss the internet . . .
Even though the devil invented it.