Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I am happy to leave campus for a week.
I hate the feeling of missing people I see everyday.
That's when I know it's time to go.

I used to think that I was pretty good at communicating verbally. When I was with people, I knew what to say. I can be really diplomatic. It's weird though . . . now I'm mostly just really awkard alot. I'm not sure if I'm shy or just pretending to be shy. It's like instead of being diplomatic, I try to be a little obnoxious and egotistical. I really have no idea why. That's not really my style at all. I used to tear myself apart looking for pride in my life. It's kind of a habit. Anyways, this whole shyness thing, I don't know where it comes from. I used to be shy when I was little. But in high school I kind of got over it, at least on the surface. I used to force myself to meet people at church. But that was easy. It's not like I had to go super deep with them at all. I just had to smile and like Jesus.

I guess I feel like I have alot to offer, and I don't necessarily want to throw it all out there the first time I meet people. One of my biggest pet peeves, besides the phrase "pet peeve," is when I meet someone for the first or second time, and they kind of act like they have known me all my life. You know, the inside jokes that don't really exist, or like, "You're totally [random character trait], aren't you?" Stuff like that. Some people can pull it off once in a while, but usually it's just really annoying. Anyways, it bothers me because I feel like that particular person feels comfortable in summing up my entire character and personality in a simple statement. Plus I have a certain sense of privacy and personal space.

So I really don't know where I'm at. I really have no desire to meet new people, yet I need to. I'm going to have to once I get out of school. I just don't want to pretend to be shy because I think it's charming, or because it "works" for someone else. But I have depth. That's part of the reason I started blogging, just so I could find somewhere to put all the stuff that swirls around in my brain. Anyways, this seems to be a really transitional time for me. And if there's one thing I hate, it's change.


P.S. So this is for the girl, I'm pretty sure you still know who you are. I don't think I ever officially apologized for the now archived girl blog section. I think I kind of half apologized with alot of excuses. So, I really wanted to say that I didn't mean to hurt you, but I'm pretty sure I did. I was wrong, and I am truly sorry.
So, yeah, have a good week.