Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I find I'm always better at writing things than I am at saying them. Not that I'm terrible at speaking, but when I write I have time to think through my words. And I can see them in front of me. Spoken words tend to dissipate. Written ones don't leave so easily.

"Don't it always seem to go, but you don't know what it's got 'til it's gone."

I said goodbye to a dear friend last night. She's moving to England today. I find it easy to relate to the above lyrics in situations like this. I don't think that I took her friendship for granted, but when someone is around and always available, I just don't think as much about how important he or she is to me. And Moey has been an important part of my life for these past few years. Her friendship has meant alot to me.

There are some people who, when you meet them, you know you are going to be great friends. And then there are others who take you by surprise. Moey was one of those people for me. Every time I got to know her a little better I was pleasantly surprised. She's not someone to wear her heart on her sleeve, so it took a little time to really get to know her. I always appreciated her honesty and her compassion. She takes care of people like nobody I've ever met before. She was always a joy to be around. I loved going into Vancouver to visit her. She taught me to appreciate good movies. If it wasn't for her, I'd be watching movies with Ice Cube or the Rock in them all the time or something.

Change is a funny thing. When you think about it, most change involves some element of death. There is an old way of life or thinking that must be left behind for a new way. I couldn't help feeling that as I said goodbye to her last night. We will most definitely keep in touch. And I hope to visit her at some point in the next couple of years. But there is an old way of life that we both had to let die in order for her to change, and ultimately, to grow. I think that is what has kept me going this whole week, the fact that I am just overjoyed to see her step out into some kind of new life. It's sad that Vancouver Moey has to go, but it is only good for her in the end. Our lives will be different without her, but I know that in the end God works out all things for good in all of our lives. Who can tell what the future holds for any of us? We can only make good decisions and leave the results in God's hands. And that is what Moey has done.

So Moey, if you ever get to read this, know that you will be greatly missed. Keep in touch. And know that we're praying for you. You're going to make it. I don't know what "making it" looks like for you, I only know that it will be good. And God is on your side. That makes all the difference.

Goodbye, dear friend.

Two posts in two days. This is like a blogging explosion.
Also, I wanted to distract from my shameless accidental plea for cute single girls. And it was indeed accidental. I wrote it because I mostly thought it was funny. But it's not funny if you have to explain it.

While we were in the van this weekend, there was some interesting discussion about worship. We were talking in particular about the College Choir songs. Someone mentioned that "Friend of God" was a very "meatless" song. I found this interesting, partly because I really like the song. But also because the idea of a song having theological "meat" to it intrigues me. I asked what he would prefer to hear in music. He suggested that God's judgment is not emphasized enough in worship. We should be singing songs that make us aware of God's ability to destroy people and such. He was pretty much joking about that last part I think, but it made me think about that whole idea.

I've been really struggling with the notion of God's judgment. I grew up living in quite a bit of fear about God's judgment. I was one of those kids who was always afraid that I had inadvertantly commited the "unpardonable sin". God's judgment was very real to me. I used to go to the altar to "get saved" almost every week at church for quite a while. I suffered from an unhealthy view of God's wrath. And I fear that people who want to emphasize God's judgment and wrath in a worship service may also suffer from the same unhealthy views. Granted, God does judge, and He judges perfectly. Romans 1-3 talks about God's wrath being poured out on those who don't believe. But the interesting thing to me is the nature of God's wrath. It's not lightning bolts and floods, it's simply allowing unbelievers to continue in their unbelief and reap the consequences. But, even in this state of judgment, God is ready to receive anyone who will turn to Him.

When I look at the way God is portrayed throughout the Bible, Old and New Testament, his anger and judgment are not the most prominent characteristics. Those things are there, but it's his patience and love that really stand out. Even in judgment, God is loving and merciful. I've been reading through the books of the Minor Prophets in this past month. The thing that struck me about every book is that despite God's anger and wrath, He never fails to promise redemption for His people. He promises a future where His people will come to Him from all over the world. As I read these books so rife with judgment, it's the love of God that stands out to me. I get the impression that He hated having to hurt His people. I think He also hates watching people hurt themselves. But He is indeed holy. He cannot tolerate rebellion, much like any self respecting father would not tolerate rebellion in his own household.

The question then is, what does this mean for our worship? What do we emphasize and why? We are living in that promised era of redemption. We are God's people, who have come to Him from across the globe. Jesus Christ truly changed everything; God's judgment was satisfied in him. Romans 5 says that while we were still God's enemies, Christ died for us. God does not take pleasure in the death and destruction of humanity. 1 Timothy 2:4 talks about God our Saviour, "who wants all men to be saved." Thus, while many today are under the judgment and wrath of God by virtue of their lives, none who are alive are outside of the love of God.

One of the defining marks of the Christian community is that we acknowledge that we were once under God's judgment, but by His grace we are now His friends. This is a revolutionary concept. And to me, it is the most important aspect of the Christian experience. It is no shock to me that about 80% of the songs we sing have to do with some aspect of God's love for us and His salvation. This is our message. We are a community of the saved. How could we help but want to proclaim this message to the world. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!" In my mind, a community of Christians that gathered together to sing and preach about God's dreadful judgment would be pretty depressing. Perhaps I am an optimist, but I want to rejoice when I get together with Christians. Because I see the incredible love of God that has saved us. And God has not only saved us, He has called us His friends. We continue to have relationship with Him. And that should always be our primary message, inside and outside of our community.

I agree that we need a wholistic view of God. And I agree that many of the songs we sing do not carry much theological depth. But I always want to sing about God's salvation. I get excited when I think about the overwhelming power of God's love. I could write an entire post about that concept alone. But I'll save that one for later.

I have been tagged (as a member of the Stopfive crew) to make a long list of things that I have done, experienced, etc. You can check out the nature of the list at http://legolandconvention.blogspot.com However, I won't be making a list like that for several reasons.
1. I don't like long tedious lists.
2. That list reminds me of those silly "Find out about me" lists that the youth I work with send me all the time.
3. Some of my best flirting material are answers to questions on that list. I don't just give that crap away. I'd have to be talking one on one before I answer those questions. So for those cute, single girls who are curious what my list would be, you can talk to me in person or make a comment or something.

I returned last night from Prince George. Resonate and I went to Sno Fear. It was freakin awesome. I'm starting a work related blog, where I can write about all my trips and work related activities. Once it's finished I'll put a link up. I want to have a place where students can keep track of what I do. Also, I'd like to have a place where I can interact with potential students. I'm thinking something along the lines of a comment section where I can answer questions. Maybe some kind of a forum. Or even if I just have an FAQ page. I don't know how it's going to look yet, but it should be cool. Perhaps I can help take Summit recruitment into the 21st century.

That's all for now.
I'm saving all the deep stuff for a later post.

I don't know why I try writing these at the office.
Every time I sit down to write I forget pretty much everything I was just thinking about. But it's better than the library. At the library I type whole sentences before they even show up on the screen. It's frustrating. Although the library does have many interesting people. My office has no interesting people. Unless I start talking to myself.

I've been thinking about the concept of God's call on my life. It's funny because I don't think about it very often. I know, of course, that God has called every Christian to love others and minister to those around them. I'm pretty comfortable (if not very good) with that. Lately I've been coming to understand and accept that God has a specific call on my life. That as much as I have tried to fight it, I am called to ministry in the vocational sense.

I sometimes find it ironic that I went through four years of Bible College without really feeling like I had any call to ministry. The fact that I kept going probably should have told me something. But I fought it so hard. I'm not really sure why. Probably because I have this incessant drive to be unique. I hate the idea of being stereotyped. And while I was at college I couldn't help the feeling that we were being trained to be stereotypes. The Youth Pastor, the Music Pastor, the Senior Pastor, etc. I railed against that. I still don't want to be a stereotype to be honest. But I'm coming to understand two things. First, having a call to ministry does not necessarily mean having to fall into a traditional ministry role. In my mind, accepting that I am called to ministry mostly means accepting that it will always be my main priority, and probably my livelihood. I have no idea what role I will play. I just know that it's the direction my life will take. Second, I have to follow God, regardless of the consequences. The fact is that even if I was to end up in the most stereotyped job of all time because God had called me to do it, I would be happy. And what's more, I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. Even if it was much cooler. I've been realizing that I don't really know what's best for me, but God does. So following him means letting go of the things I think I need, and just trusting Him.

So I decided to stop running from the obvious reality that God has called me to ministry. I've accepted that. I want to stop shutting out the Holy Spirit in my efforts to run my own life. I guess I'm just starting to try to obey God rather than prove anything to Him. It's a freeing feeling. Even though I still suck at it.

There's a blog storm brewing again.
Another big post.
Soon.
Can't think straight right now.