Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I don't know why I try writing these at the office.
Every time I sit down to write I forget pretty much everything I was just thinking about. But it's better than the library. At the library I type whole sentences before they even show up on the screen. It's frustrating. Although the library does have many interesting people. My office has no interesting people. Unless I start talking to myself.

I've been thinking about the concept of God's call on my life. It's funny because I don't think about it very often. I know, of course, that God has called every Christian to love others and minister to those around them. I'm pretty comfortable (if not very good) with that. Lately I've been coming to understand and accept that God has a specific call on my life. That as much as I have tried to fight it, I am called to ministry in the vocational sense.

I sometimes find it ironic that I went through four years of Bible College without really feeling like I had any call to ministry. The fact that I kept going probably should have told me something. But I fought it so hard. I'm not really sure why. Probably because I have this incessant drive to be unique. I hate the idea of being stereotyped. And while I was at college I couldn't help the feeling that we were being trained to be stereotypes. The Youth Pastor, the Music Pastor, the Senior Pastor, etc. I railed against that. I still don't want to be a stereotype to be honest. But I'm coming to understand two things. First, having a call to ministry does not necessarily mean having to fall into a traditional ministry role. In my mind, accepting that I am called to ministry mostly means accepting that it will always be my main priority, and probably my livelihood. I have no idea what role I will play. I just know that it's the direction my life will take. Second, I have to follow God, regardless of the consequences. The fact is that even if I was to end up in the most stereotyped job of all time because God had called me to do it, I would be happy. And what's more, I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. Even if it was much cooler. I've been realizing that I don't really know what's best for me, but God does. So following him means letting go of the things I think I need, and just trusting Him.

So I decided to stop running from the obvious reality that God has called me to ministry. I've accepted that. I want to stop shutting out the Holy Spirit in my efforts to run my own life. I guess I'm just starting to try to obey God rather than prove anything to Him. It's a freeing feeling. Even though I still suck at it.