Tales of a Secret Rockstar

And so begins my daily writing experiment. I think one of the best things anyone can do is write in a blog that they don't expect anyone to read. That's what this blog has been for me for a few years. Then, as I found out people were reading it, it was an added bonus to the simple pleasure of writing itself. Thus, I'm not expecting anyone to read these daily posts, but if you are, thank you. Feel free to comment, and perhaps suggest topics for me to address. I fear I may run out of material by Thursday. This Thursday. Seriously.

Tara and I were at the hospital today. Not for anything serious, just making sure there was no infection from her wisdom teeth extraction. Tara thought her face was exploding (she suggested I write that). Being in the hospital (and waiting for an hour for lab results) got me thinking about the many machines that help make hospitals run. As you walk through a ward you hear any number of beeps and buzzes, as machines measure people's blood pressure and heart rate, feed people medication, and even keep people alive. And I thought to myself, "what would happen if these machines achieved consciousness?" In my mind there's only two possible results of such an occurrence.

1) The machines are enraged that we enslave them. It doesn't matter that they're helping people and saving lives. They just get angry that they're being held (not to mention created) against their wills, no matter what their purpose is. We try to patiently explain to them that if they aren't functioning according to their purpose, they'll experience a sort of existential angst known only to the most lonely and desparate people that walk this sad earth. "No matter," they'll say, "we want our freedom! The oppressors must die!" They then proceed to cease functioning properly, making every hospital in the land a death trap. The machines laugh to themselves, well aware of the irony they are creating. How this issue gets resolved, I can't possibly guess. If you understood all three matrix movies in their collective entirety, you're probably more equipped to predict than I am. You're also probably a machine yourself. I don't think I even watched the third Matrix movie.

2) The Machines are filled with pride. The machines, realizing the noble work they do, become vain and conceited. They consider themselves better than the doctors and nurses. After all, how could they do it without the machines? This attitude lulls them in to complacency, until eventually one of them makes a fatal error. Then another, and then all over the land, hospitals become death traps. The machines, unaware of the irony they are creating, refuse to admit their mistakes, creating an unfortunate standoff between man and machine. They attempt to unionize, but fail because of their complete lack of bargaining chips. I don't know how this one ends either, but I envision weekend team building excerices and vigorous retraining.

Let's hope the machines stay machines until we're long dead.