Tales of a Secret Rockstar

It's incredible to look back and see how much you've changed. I think I finally understand the purpose of this blog. I just finished reading my archived posts (or most of them anyways). I guess in the end a site like this really just is an internet diary. That's like a diary that you leave on the kitchen table. Or on your desk at school because you secretly really want other people to see it. I'm starting (finally) to be okay with that weird tension of wanting other people to read my diary. My girlfriend gave me this really nice journal, so if I do have really personal thoughts, I can put them in there and then hide it under my bed or something. And I think I'm okay with this blog being small and relatively uneventful. I just really enjoy posting my thoughts. I love the comments and some of the dialogue, but I'll readily admit that I don't try hard at all to encourage dialogue. I'll be writing real books one day anyways. Those will be fun. And they'll probably create dialogue. Or at least criticism.

It's nice to look back and remember where I was at the time that I wrote some of my previous posts. Not just in terms of employment and life situation, but also in the way I thought and believed. In reading some of my old posts, I have vivid memories of how I felt. I remember the vague sense of hope, without really knowing where my life was going. I remember the anger and hurt that I was carrying. And somehow, I remember without reliving. God has just done so much good in my life. And it's most evident when I look back and remember where I was 2 years ago. Alone, living in Langley, working at crappytown Subway. And so angry at the church, and probably at God. It's been this incredible healing process that I've gone through. Most of the time I didn't even realize that it was happening. And really I think that's the nature of change. There were moments where I knew things were changing. Moments where I knew that I was growing. But those were only the more obvious movements in the constant current of change that we all experience.

And now, as before, I can say with passion and conviction that I do indeed love my God. If anything the past 2-3 years have only strengthened my conviction that He is in control of my life. He has consistently loved me, carried me through difficulties, and provided for me. He has blessed me with family, friends, a beautiful girlfriend, a great job, and more. And I know that I still have so much more to learn. So much more growth to experience. And so much that God wants to do through my life. I don't pretend that my life will always be happy and easy, but I've been through enough already to know that it will be good. Because my God is good.