Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I just finished reading a book about Columbus today. Why? Because I am a nerd.
Mind you, I'm not the kind of nerd that sits in dark room playing network style video games (Although I've done that before too). I'm the kind of nerd that reads random history books and watches Jeopardy and plays board games like Poleconomy and Canadian Trivia (Both deliciously Canadian in nature). I'm a daydreaming nerd that comes up with hilarious scenarios like "What if I was hosting SNL," or "What would I do if I was a passenger in a car on the highway and the driver suddenly went into a coma?" I don't know where I come up with them. I have alot of time to think at work.
Anyways, on to Columbus.

The writer uses an interesting quote while discussing the veneration of Columbus in 18th century America. He quotes James Russel Lowell, who said, "The idol is the measure of the worshipper." In other words, In idolizing Columbus, the Americans of the day bestowed him with the virtues that their society valued. They "ascribed to Columbus all the human virtues that were most prized in that time of geographic and industrial expansion, heady optimism, and an unquestioning belief in progress as the dynamic of history" (Wilford, The Mysterious History of Columbus 1991. p. 253). (I forgot the real way to cite sources, but hopefully that should do.) It really made me think about my concept of God. These people created a Columbus of their own imaginations, in order to further justify themselves and their ideas about the world. Some aspects of their analysis were correct, but for the most part they were wildly inacurate in their portrayal of the man. They created a god in their own image. I think I do that with God sometimes, but in more of a negative sense. I'm the type of person who likes things to be fair. I like everyone to follow the rules. If I screw up, I like to be able to make up for my mistakes. That way, I don't have to answer to anyone. I can notonly feel righteous, I can judge those who aren't doing as well as I am. I think my beliefs, when left to their own devices, tend more toward a system of karma than a living God of grace.
So I decide to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, in a god who adheres to these rules. The problem with this god is that he is weak, uncaring, and generally dull. Essentially, I'm coming to realize that the god I believe in is not really God at all. He's a creation of my philosophical ideas, the logical end to my system of thought. Somehow, despite being a Christian for 17 years, and despite being a Bible College graduate, I have come to believe in Aristotle's immovable mover. The God who created everything and then just let it be. The God who isn't likely to answer prayer, or forgive me, or even really like me. Or anyone else for that matter.

I'm really starting to understand what Luther meant when he said that faith is the work of God alone. Because really, a human being can make a supreme effort to know God, but without revelation from God he will inevitably fall short. He will turn to idols that can be known, controlled, and manipulated. Without the gift of faith, the opening of man's heart to God, he will continually live in darkness, despite his most valiant efforts. I feel that I need this revelation. Not that I doubt my salvation. I just know that in the journey of my life, I got uncomfortable with real God, and decided to start trimming him down a little. Which inevitable leads to believing in fake god, because nobody can change God. He's dangerous, big, and beyond our understanding. Yet he is good. Better than I can grasp. Which is why I am praying for revelation. For a renewed understanding and belief in the true God. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The God of Moses, and the God of Elijah. And the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm seriously asking God to blow my mind.
Really, I've got nothing to lose.
Because safe God sucks.