Tales of a Secret Rockstar

A realization hit me today like a pretty bird hitting a window. I haven't had a girl related post in a while. So this is it. And I will try to only use disturbing analogies. This should be fun. Listening to Modest Mouse can only help my disturbing analogy drive.

The main reason for the lack of girl posts is, as expected, the lack of girls about who to post. My dating life is drier than . . . analogy plan failing . . . world spinning off its axis . . . bah. Failure. Anyways, It's pretty dull. Just for fun, here's the score sheet for the significant crushes I've had over the last few years (seeing as how I've never dated). One is married. One is engaged. One is dating. There's a couple of others, but those are the three main ones. This post is already sounding hilariously bitter. I'm not really that bitter. It's just an interesting stat.

I think that maybe I have some kind of relational dysfunction. Most people have their dysfunctions within a relationship; I think mine involves starting a relationship. I always slip into "brother mode". I don't even mean to. But all of a sudden, I'm shopping with a girl, and I say something like "That guy is checking you out. Heeheehee". Things like that. I also like to refer to this as the "gay friend syndrome". It doesn't really work for relationships. I lack boldness. Not that I need any right now. There's really no prospects. Which is fine.

Every once in a while a girl says something like "Man, why don't you have a girlfriend?" or "I can't wait til you find a nice girl". And I think, "How could you even ask that?" What does that mean? Does she want to help me find a nice girl? Because I just get tired of being reminded of such things. I find life goes better if I don't think about it. I don't think girls should be allowed to ask guys that question unless they are related, or clearly want to be that girlfriend. Granted, there are some people who are still allowed to ask me that. They know who they are.

Ranting is fun, but now it's time for bed.

Just as I was turning off the computer, I realized that I felt like blogging. But, thanks to the wonders of technology, I was able to turn the computer back on. And now here I am. Incredible.

I'm sick today. One of those cheap colds that comes every few months. I hate it because I feel weak, but I can still pretty much live life. It just makes life so much crappier. I had to mow the lawn yesterday afternoon. That was lame. My parents are coming back today though, so it had to be done. I still have to do the backyard.

I want to go to Youth Convention. I love Youth Convention. It's so big and blustery and fun. I don't know if I'll be able to make it though. I have to work on the Monday. We shall see. If I do I suppose I'll go with the Maple Ridge. It would give me a chance to meet some of those kids.

Not much in the way of deep thoughts today. Not anything I feel up to putting down on fake internet paper anyways. Dan and Slynn got engaged. I am overwhelmingly happy for both of them. It has been a long time coming. In a good way though. Their relationship is like a work of art. It involved this long, seemingly difficult creative process. But here they are, engaged.
Slynn is cool. Dan is a genius.
That may be the first time I have named people on this blog. Way to go guys! Wheeheehee.

Back to my thoughts. I was frustrated with my church again on Sunday. The music was awesome. We did this choir thing. It was sweet. And I tried hard to go in with an open mind. I sat down and listened to the sermon, only to realize it was essentially the same sermon from last week, but with a different formula for living in God's prosperity. This time it was praise, rather than seeking God's kingdom first. Praise is even easier to preach about, because it's not as abstract as "seeking God's kingdom". Thus we learned that praise unlocks God's miraculous powers and blessing in our lives. When we praise, God does miracles. While there is truth to that, it is not a complete truth. And there was some scripture being taken out of context. It was a Psalm. It said something like "Praise the Lord . . . Who heals the barren, makes the blind see, etc." Essentially, in my mind, the Psalmist was giving a list of the things that God is know to do as an incentive to praise him. But according to the Pastor, the fact that those things came after the call to praise somehow means that the peoples' praise caused the Lord to do those things. I think it was Psalm 113, but I'm not sure. All this to say, I came away with an impression that my Pastor believes in an easily manipulated God. Someone whose hand we can force with any number of spiritual formulas. Now I know that this is not what he actually believes. I know he loves God. He's a Bible College graduate too. I'm just saying that this is the clear impression I've been getting from him, in every sermon I've heard. Last Sunday he went so far as to compare God to a gas pump. He literally said "You know those gas pumps these days, you need your card to get gas right? It's like that with God. Praise is your access card to God's presence." And I was angry. We do need to enter God's presence with praise, but it is not some kind of "access card". It is a humble expression of worship. It is a joyous expression of love. It is not a tool to make God do our bidding. I could write a million more words here, because that's what I like to do. But I'm sick. And tired.

I plan to keep going to this church. It's a good church. And the pastor is a good man. I don't mean to tear him down personally. This is just my way of giving order to my thought process. So no angry comments. Only love.