Tales of a Secret Rockstar

So the previously posted lyrics were just there mostly to take up space because I wanted to write things, but I didn't want to write anything significant until I posted my treatise on Christian masculinity. But that will be a little while, because I'm still doing research. On that note, I think I'm going to ask for a little mini recorder for Christmas. Then I can start saying "Note to self . . ." all the time.

This post is about my hilarious and ridiculous life situation. I'm just kind of frozen. I think maybe I look too far into the future or something. My friend Shrah said something about that once; she said her youth pastor told her that she had a problem with that. I think that's true for me right now. I have all these long term plans that are sweet-awesome, but I have no daily plan to get there. Do I move to Abbotsford? I could get a lame job and live here and be with people, but I definitely would not save as much money. Do I stay home and go for a better job? Better jobs tend to require longer term committment. I'm not sure if I can give that yet? Do I stay at Subway? I hate that job. But my schedule gives me alot of freedom in the daytime. At the moment I'm using that free time poorly. But I could do so much. I could start writing my book. With so many options, I feel so torn that I can't choose any.
Although I should probably mention that I'm terribly averse to change. Perhaps I should even say I'm afraid of change. It just freaks me out. Which means that I often choose to remain in a poor situation, rather than having to face the turmoil that change brings, even if it's change to a better situation. So I spent alot of time praying the other day. It started out being about my direction in life, but it ultimately ended up being about courage to change. I need it. I'm just so bad at dealing with any kind of significant change. I think that's a good prayer to pray. I'm definitely going to keep on praying it. And trying to do things about it.

I'm trying to gather momentum in my life. I feel like once I start dealing with things, I gain some momentum, and it gets easier. Momentum has not been easy to come by, but I think it's coming. It's slow, but it's coming.