Tales of a Secret Rockstar

Talking to girls is a dangerous pastime.

So I was talking to this girl today (not like, the girl of previous blogs, but another random girl). I was basically being a pest, bothering her about stuff. But then she said something serious. I however, not realizing she was serious, continued to be a pest. I kept pestering her and pestering her, until I finally realized she was actually quite serious. It was a sad thing that she was serious. Then she left.
I felt like a moron. A huge moron.

This rather strange conversation drew me to two conclusions:
1) This particular girl has had a much more difficult life than she lets on
2) She hurts a lot

Realizing this kind of broke my heart, if I can say that kind of thing. It's kind of a sappy thing to say, but it's true enough. This led me to think about me, and how I relate to people in general. I mean, how much can I really get involved in an 18 year old girls life? Not much. And I have no bad intentions, but I wonder about my reaction to this sort of thing. I just seem to have so much more of a soft spot for girls. I can't really explain it, in fact I keep praying that God would change it. The Christian world does not look too kindly on a lot of guy/girl counseling. And in many ways I agree with that view. I don't want to compromise myself in any way. I have integrity, and I want more.

But . . .

Sometimes I think girls, particularly girls who have been abused or have gone through family difficulties, have a very skewed image of men, and a very skewed image of themselves. I think girls need to see real masculinity, the kind that looks out for their best interest. The kind that is selfless and strong, yet tender. The prevailing attitude seems to be either self serving flirtiness, which I do struggle with, or girl hating. I don't think either of those are good.
In reality there are at least 10-15 girls at my school that I would love to sit down with, 1 on 1, just to tell them that they are beautiful. Girls need to hear that from a guy who doesn't want anything from them. I just feel so weird wanting to be the one to do that. It doesn't seem right. I just can't handle seeing girls who have a terrible self image try so hard to gain acceptance. I want to sit them down, look them in the eyes, and tell them how terribly beautiful and important they are, both to God and to the people around them. Whether the people around them think so or not.

There's one girl I hang out with once in a while, who I'm always challenging to like herself. Recently she said she didn't think that she was going to get married for a long time. I asked her, "Do you think you're worth marrying?" She started talking about her cooking and cleaning abilities, her character, etc. I said, "No, do you think you're worth marrying?" I wanted her to see that what would hold her back from a healthy relationship is not her character or abilities, it is whether she thinks she is worth loving or not. I think she is. I try to believe that every person is, although I can be terribly judgmental. Anyways, for some reason that kind of thing is important to me.

So, I don't really know how this all plays out in my life. I definitely pray more for girls than for guys. I asked God to take this away if it isn't from him. And if it is from him, I just ask him to make and keep it healthy.