Tales of a Secret Rockstar

I came to a kind of startling, but liberating realization today. I started to think about my whole relationship with God, and how I approach him. I've been feeling lately like I almost need to apologize to God for being a Christian. It's like I think that God expects me to be a certain person. Some kind of spiritual genius that I just am not.
Genius? maybe. Spiritual genius? no.

Then it just hit me . . .

Maybe I should start living my relationship with God out of who I am, rather than who I feel like I'm expected to be. Growing up in a big, revivalistic church, I've always felt this pressure to have dynamic devotional times, where I always come out feeling satisfied and refreshed. Something where I'm always experiencing measurable growth.
The truth is, that rarely happens. Day to day spiritual growth just isn't measurable like that. But the way my church talked, you'd think that it was. So most of the time I've been sorely disappointed in myself for my pitiful times of devotion and prayer. All this to say, I've always expected myself to be someone I'm not spiritually, even when I'm alone with God.

Really, relationships aren't about the flashes and parades. They're the everyday things. Talking, listening, being together. That's what I'm like with my friends, and yet I expect God to be different somehow. It's like I can be myself around my friends, but when I approach God I have to be all spiritual. I'm not very spiritual, but I love God. Quite a bit actually. So, I want to relate to him in a way that fits with my personality. That's the way God made me. I'm way more spontaneous than I've allowed myself to be. That should fit in with the way I relate to God. I need to be more honest. And I need to accept that He loves me the way I am. I will make mistakes, but that doesn't stop Him from loving me. It never has, but I'm a perfectionist.

I think that God's alot friendlier than I give him credit for.